I can see how God is working in the students’ lives. Not only are they learning various ministry skills that they can take back to their campuses, but their love for the Lord is growing as He is challenging each of the students and staff.
In the Asian American culture, we see many of us who live a very performance based life. Perfectionism is our goal. Glennis, one of our directors for the Epic Summer Project gave a talk on the Bad & Good News of Perfectionism this past week and God revealed a lot about ourselves through it.
Here are some main points that Glennis shared:
*** it’s important to remember that we fall along a spectrum. some statements are true for perfectionist and some aren’t..we are all in process!!
Perfectionist(Unhealthy Perfectionism) vs. Person of Excellence (Healthy Perfectionism)
| Idealistic | Realistic |
| Strives for the impossible | Strives for the Doable |
| Fears Failure | Anticipates Success |
| Product-minded | Process-minded |
| Have to be the best | Wants to do their best |
| Views life as a threat | Views life as a challenge |
| Hates criticism | Welcomes criticism |
| Dwells on their mistakes | Learns from their mistakes |
| Values self by what they do | Valuse self for who they are |
Roots of Perfectionism:
1. Genes and Temperament
2. Culture (shame, guilt, media, parents)
3. Family and Parental Influences: Parents are the most powerful ppl in our lives, where their actions, words, gestures, etc. affect how we feel like they love us or expect of us. especially in the Asian American cultures, they place their hopes, dreams, worth in their children’s accomplishments, which puts even an added pressure for the kids to be “perfect.”
4. Self Protection: Fear failure or loss of control, which leads people to avoid traying new things.
5. Pride.
Infected thought patterns in Unhealthy Perfectionists:
1. All or nothing/black&white thinking. Polarized categories and absolutes.
2. Tormented by the shoulds and oughts: driven by guilt or shame, concern of what others will think of you, making one mistake will make you look like a complete failure. Often in those who have had overly critical parents.
3. Tendency towards procrastination and indecisiveness. Part of self protection…”nothing ventured nothing lost” mentality. Keeping all options open just in case we fail, so you put off important decisions to avoid failing.
4. Great underlying fear of rejection. Relationships are difficult, are irritated easily, defensive and oversensitive to criticsm, and fear losing control of emotions and/or situations.
Good News of Perfectionism:
We need to realize that we can’t reach our own or God’s standard of perfection! Our worth in God’s eyes doesn’t depend on works! (Hallelujah!)
We need to realize that we are in a process.
Strategies of Change
1. Evaluate the pros and cons of perfectionism.
2. Recognize the all or nothing thinking patterns. Not all things in life are black and white.
3. Keep a journal. Be aware of your thoughts and tendencies.
4. Make daily small and specific goals.
5. Be a part of a community that accepts you for who you are.
I love that God is always reminding us that we are accepted and loved by Him.
